A NewChapter

On Monday I start a new journey. A new job, with new people, and more importantly, new experiences. I will have the pleasure of being a substitute teacher at a Regional Youth Detention Center (RYDC), also lovingly referred to as juvie. Forget all the stereotypes you have heard and seen on CNN and Fox news, and the things you have read. Yes, it is a hard atmosphere. It can be oppressive, stressful, overwhelming and confusing. One day one of the residents will talk to you and want to make a change, and next day they are on lockdown for making threats against an officer. It can be depressing. Hopeless. Impossible.

I first came in contact with RYDC several months ago when my internship came up at college. I had the choice between assisting as a paralegal in a lawyers office or shadowing at RYDC. My first choice had been juvenile probation, but all the internship slots were filled. I had no doubt in my ability to do paralegal work- research is my strong suit, but on the inside I have no desire to be the secretary chased around the desk. I commend the ladies that go through that, but if it can be avoided, well.... You get the picture. My dad is close to retirement from federal corrections, so I was familiar the environment somewhat, but not so much hands on. With determination told my advisor I would like to go for the RYDC internship, to see if I could do it. I really didn't know if I could or not. And I wanted to find out.

On my first day I felt the difference from being outside the barbed wire, to being on the
inside. I was given the once over by every officer and staff member, and on each of their faces I could clearly see a disbelief. "This? She does not belong here, and she won't last a day." I could feel it, sense it and see it. Terry Bradshaw once said "When you've got something to prove, there's nothing greater than a challenge." He is correct, and I'm not the type to back down from a challenge like that. I have always believed in the idea of "making yourself indispensable". So from that day forward, I did my best to present myself as a strong, capable young woman who knew what she wanted from life.

When I left there that day, the stress hit me when I walked out of the gates. I had felt like an intruder in a strange place. But the weight I felt surprised me. I hadn't felt it on the inside. But outside, it became very clear. I left excited about returning, but unsure. U sure about my role and capabilities. My first Fay in the control room landed me a front row seat to when a juvenile lost his temper and flipped the tables in the rec room, throwing a chair through the window and almost cracking through to the control room where I was. It was close, but I was safe. My first initiation to the reality of the life the kids, and the officers, live everyday. The entire facility was tense after that, and those around me were concentrated on assuring me about safety. I wasn't concerned about that so much as I was concerned about how the action impacted the other kids. Turns out it can cause a dominoes effect. But that was the only issue of the day, thankfully.

The next day I entered more confident, greeted everyone and met a few more people. Within the week I was settled in the lifestyle of coming and going, interacting with the kids and how to talk to each one. I started to pick up the lingo and as odd as it seems, I felt like it was home. I had grown up in a volatile house since my dad did not know how to leave work at home. He had a hard life growing up, was a former Marine, and combine that with the stress and anger, it didn't make it a dream home to grow up in. Except in the case of RYDC, I had backup and I could leave at the end of the day and see the sun shine again. I had a chance to make a difference at juvie, whereas at home I was just trying to survive, and there was no escape.

By the end of my internship I had created many friendships and connections with the officers, staff and juveniles. I grew to love the kids and see them not as their rap sheet, but as kids who needed help. These guys and girls could very well be in my Sunday school class and my drama group that I teach. Seeing them behind the steel bars had moments of breaking my heart. But there weren't all sad moments. In fact, there are many fond memories that I continue to retell to bring back the joy of being there. I'll remember the kid who didn't want me to say his name (he didn't want anyone to say his name) and taught me how to play spades. The other one who was a sweetheart and taught me Tonk. The afternoons we all spent playing card games, and the Wii. The moments of heart searching talks with some of the kids. The day the guys acted out a scenario in class for an after class project and we all laughed till our sides hurt! So the times weren't all bad nor all good. At the end I had out in an application and hoped for the best. I visited once or twice afterwards when I had time around my college schedule, and was always warmly welcomed by the staff and juveniles. I missed them so much after I left, and I never knew if I would be able to return or not. I did hope.

While I was there the kids made it clear that they did not want me to come back as an officer, for whatever reason. They didn't mind in the least the idea of me being a teacher, counselor or probation officer. Especially the teacher idea. So this brings me to present day situation. Because of my complicated school schedule, I did not think I would even be able to take a different job other than my work study position at college. However, I was surprised to receive a call that the position as a professional educator and substitute teacher had come open, and that if I was interested, I could come in for the details. Thinking it would never work, I told them no but thank you because of my schedule. They insisted I think about it and giver them a call. I thought about it over the weekend and prayed. By Sunday night I thought that I should at least go see them and find out the details. If they could work around my crazy schedule, I'd take the job. If not, I'd keep my position at school until I graduated in January, and then resubmit my application at RYDC for any position they had open. Imagine my shock when I walked in Monday and as soon as I gave them my schedule they had worked my hours around it perfectly! I told them mi would need to see to a few things before I could give them a definite answer, and by the next morning I phoned and told them I accepted. Thus began the paperwork trail and red tape, drug tests and background check (because you know I had to have committed a felony within the past few months after my internship. *insert sarcasm*). Trips to RYDC to check on the status of my hiring, filling out file after file, until finally I can start. Even thought the trips were tiring after a while, I was grateful for the chance to recondition myself to the atmosphere. The desire to start grew stronger and the starting date couldn't be soon enough for me or them.

When this all started, months ago in Spring quarter, I did not know whether I was capable of handling myself there. Neither did anyone there. By the time left, most of them knew that I could, and more importantly, I knew I could too. I appreciate the chance to prove myself and I realize I will still be proving myself when I get there. I'm not your typical RYDC type- I'm 5 foot tall and petite. I don't look tough when you see me, I'm the girl-next-door. At first glance. And while that looks great in the normal world, it automatically demotes you in the correctional world. You HAVE to prove yourself. Not by forcing it. But by being yourself and showing the inner strength you have. Because no matter where you are in life, there will always be doubters. So no matter what happens in this new chapter in my life, I am excited to start and I have faith that I will make it all the way through. No matter what others think, say or do. Seems like a challenge to me. ;)

~*~Leave a Legacy That Will Affect the World Around You ~*~