So I've recently noticed something about my personality. I laugh far too much. I know that isn't exactly a bad quality, per say, except for I'm actually more serious than most people know. With close friends, I can have incredibly deep conversations, as well as rib-cracking laughing times. However, with others, I lean more towards the laughter and rarely share deeper things or what's on my mind. I make jokes, mess around with people's minds, but never allow my own participation in sharing deeper things. I pondered this for awhile until a recent situation revealed why.
While conversing with a friend, I started to share something that had an impact on me on a deep, emotional level. It was how I felt, and it had messed with me pretty good. As I attempted to share, per request, I was quickly interrupted and reprimanded and down-wardly encouraged (encouraged in a disparaging way). It was then that I discovered why I don't so easily share. It can take awhile for me to trust a person enough to open up with my inner thoughts and emotions as I rarely allow access to those areas of my life. When somebody proves, however, that my sharing isn't worthy of their care, I calmly and quickly remove myself from sharing like that again with them. I'm introverted enough to understand that I really don't care to have a lot people knowing my inner self. It just would be nice to have more than two or three who are open to hearing my heart.
Farewell till my next inspiration to write.
Peace & Blessings
Ashley
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