A Lasting Embrace

       

         

There are some moments that only those who travel away from 'home' will understand. Such moments are those when you wish a goodbye and linger in an embrace, never knowing when you will once again see someone you are departing from. The emotions are almost indescribable, and nearly unbearable. It as if you are tearing your very own soul as you leave. I've heard it said "love don't cost a thing" but surely that must be one of the biggest falsehoods in recent history. Love costs everything~ your life, breath, hopes and dreams. I have gone from being in contact with no family to being overwhelmed with family members that I desire to keep in contact with in some way. Most of all in these recent restorations is the return of my brother, my real brother, into my life. I was amazingly blessed to not only speak with him on the phone, not only have a lunch face to face with him, but to spend an entire weekend with him as both of us attended a surprise birthday party/family reunion for our Grandmother on our dad's side. Neither of us had been back to that side of the family in over a decade. 

Not knowing where to begin, we both dove in, tears first, into being reunited as brother and sister, something I've prayed for many times over, and all throughout my time overseas. We both have walked places we never thought we would, made mistakes we said would never be made, and both suffered harsh losses that resulted in poor decisions and depression. In the end though, somehow, we both have come out as stronger people and are learning how to readjust and reach out. We have been apart for so long, yet still, the blood thread that binds us as siblings has proven strong. We are fiercely loving, protective, understanding, and most of all, sorrowful of the time lost. 

If nothing else, the time I have spent away has taught me to treasure the time I am present. I believe my brother has learned this same thing throughout his own journey in life. Take nothing for granted. Love deeply. Invest in relationships with people that matter to you. Make people, not items, priorities. Fight for those you love, including time to spend with them. Life and time are far too precious and too soon stolen for us to hold petty grudges or give up on people we say are friends or family. I regret the years lost through family fighting and I regret the unwritten letters and undialed phone calls. Though I was only a child during those lost years, I refuse to make excuses now as to why I am not involved with family. I will love and reach out and try as best I can. 

This was the first step. The first of many.

Peace & Blessings

Ashley

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~

Blessings in Hong Kong

Hello!

Sometimes I am amazed at the family of God and how we show love to one another. Being so far from the familiar is hard, despite loving being in the center of God's plan for my life. We all need encouragement from time to time and I am so happy to say that God has definitely used my Hong Kong family to do that for me.

I am friends with several of the YWAM Hong Kong staff, both from last time I was here and new friends I have made over Christmas Outreach. Some are there to joke around with me and lift up my spirits, while others have been powerful prayer warriors to help me keep strong. Still others have taken friendship a step further to inviting me into their homes or out in Hong Kong for movie nights, dinner or chill time. I've eaten everything from McDonald's, Korean, Vietnamese and Chinese food. I've also been treated to frozen yogurt (those of you who know me know that is heaven is for me! Plus the frozen yogurt toppings are even better here, so, it is epic, than, you very much), Gelato (so, so, SO good) and finally had the honor of having real sushi!

These friends have heard my struggles and seen my tears, but also my joy and my laughter. I have a friend~supporter from my first Christmas Outreach that keeps in contact with me and it is always a blessing to hear from him or see the support, both in prayer and finances. I received a package after Christmas from the States and it I shrieked like a little kid on Christmas morning when I got it it. My reaction is the same when I get a post card or letter (those are more rare, I think I have two...three ish?).

Though many of these things may seem small to others, to me they blaze like the sun. It helps so much when you have that connection with people back home, and also here. God sends us encouragement and the people that we need at the right time in our lives and this post is just to give a shout out to all my peeps~ whether in Hong Kong or the USA. I love you guys! <3

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~

Who IAm vs. What PeopleThink

More than anything I want to have a chance to make a difference, and be able to build my future career. My decision of pursuing a career came with the realization that some things, such as relationships, marriage and children, will have to be sacrificed. Possibly permanently. Yet my decision has left many of those (mainly strangers.....) with the opinion that I am wrong. Let me explain.

Not too long ago, I went with my mom and grandma for moms shots to complete her CNA vaccinations. The nurse at the health department was a very friendly lady who took pride in her job......She also loved giving shots, drawing blood, giving vaccines. To E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E. And while tending to my mom, she set her sights on me~ an innocent bystander! After a series of direct, intrusive questions and trying to find my medical records in her directory (which failed because I'm from Kentucky and Florida, not Georgia, so none of my records are here), she then decided that I needed ALL of the vaccinations available to her syringe filled hands. I steadily declined all of them, slowly becoming convinced of this woman's obvious unstable mental status, until she became adamant about one vaccine imparticular~ The Whooping Cough Vaccine. What was most interesting was her line of reasoning~ out of nowhere she states, "It's for the child!" "What child?!" I ask.
her:"Yours!"
me:"I don't have a kid!"
her:"Well, you might one day!"
me:"I'm not doing anything to get one!"
her:"You might slip up!"
me:"No, I won't~ not. a. chance."
her:"But it's for the child!"
me:"Alright, how about this~ when/IF I get married, I'll come and get the vaccine before the honeymoon so the child isn't in danger!"

Now, I can commend someone being passionate about their job. HOWEVER- this was way out of bounds for the lady to make demands, conclusions, anything outside of offering the vaccine. And this is one of the examples of people assuming that since I'm young and female, my goal must be to get married, settle down and have half a dozen children...

I have had the joy of meeting and greeting many people and becoming friends with them. However, some of the very first questions asked of me are always along the lines of "Oh~ are you married? Kids? Plans?" And I wish there was a simple way of just telling people~ "NO! No, I am not married, no, I have no plans on getting married, no I have no children, and NO I do not want any children." I am able to rephrase this in a more tactful response, but their reply is nevertheless the same~ "Hmmm, you say that now. You'll change your mind sweetheart." Really? A marriage and children would not only interrupt my career, but also my education. There are things, jobs, places I have dreamed of going, doing and seeing. And it's not that I don't value marriage, children and being a stay at home mom~ I do. Those are great callings and careers in themselves. However, it has never been something I dreamed of. (well, getting married, yes, at times. Children, not much-if any- and staying at home? Never, never, never, never. Never in my  wildest dreams and imaginations, and believe me, there have been some pretty wild ones!)

So is it really that odd to meet a young woman, age 20, completing an Associates degree and wanting to continue her education to the top~ along with pursuing a career? It is nearly impossible to live your life with no regrets, but I do hope I will be among the blessed few who have little to no regret when I reach the end of my life. I have told many, and I apply this more often to myself, "Know your strengths, know your weaknesses. Know your boundaries." I started college without knowing my strengths. I knew without a shadow of doubt what my weaknesses where, but I had no idea of my strength~ my inner strengths and giftings and goals that God had already placed within me. I had no idea of my own potential. Praise the Lord that I have come a long way from that, thanks to a mom who pushed and an advisor who always believed in me. They are both strong women of courage who have inspired me to be the best I can be, and to reach for the stars. Philippians 4:13 says that I can do all things through Christ who is the one who strengthens me. So if I have Him, what can stop me? From being my best? Defying stereotypes? And going against the flow in a way that changes perspectives and changes my life. Even better, it may have the power to change another life along the way.

~*~RETRACTION~*~ 

February 20, 2012

Though I do not regret any of what I have stated here, (especially my opinion of nosey-busy body nurses), I do need to print a slight retraction. When this was written, my family had just gone through an intense divorce- not as bad as some, not as gentle as others. It was an expected end to a long and hard period of time for each of us. However, it took a hit on the romantic at heart that I am, and I made a resolve to make it without a man. There is nothing wrong with that resolve. There is nothing absolutely wrong with serving God as a single female (or male, as you have it). God has called some to that, and as for me, I do not know what He has called me to in that area. After going to the mission trip to Hong Kong, the Lord softened my stubborn heart towards love, and I realize that having a partner is beneficial. (That sounded extremely sterile, I know, and it was not meant that way!) God made marriage to be a beautiful creation, it is just not something I have really been able to witness to in my lifetime. I say all of this to say one thing~ although I do not appreciate the sentiment of those who believe I must become 'hitched' to do God's will for my life, if God were to bring a true Prince Charming into my life, I will not turn him away as quickly as I would have when I wrote this post. Actually, when I wrote this post, I more than likely would have shunned him! Some friends of mine asked me this question before I left for my trip:

"Do you want to follow God's for your life?"

"Of course."

"And what if God's will is a husband?"

"Ha! Well, God and I would have to have a L-O-N-G discussion on that."

"You would tell Him no? You would tell God, No?"

.......

Good questions. And I had the wrong answer. My answer now, is His will be done. Whatever His plan for me, that is what I want. Now, I admit, I am still stubborn, and I will possibly drag my feet VERY slowly if/when that relationship occurs. To make sure it is the right one. Because it is for life, not for a frolic. I need a man that will be able to forge through as a missionary and never think twice about it. Someone who places God on a higher position than themselves, and their families above themselves as well. A man who knows where and what he is doing in life, has goals that I can be proud of, and be able to know when to hold me, when to push me, and when to make me laugh. Someone I can stand next to and be proud to be a wife. Not to have to make excuses for. To support and encourage and give strength to when the times get rough. Te serve as a unit of O.N.E. If I ever marry, that is the kind of relationship I want. 

You can see now why I was so stubborn. Too complicated!

~*~Leave a Legacy That Will Make a Difference Around You~*~