A Lasting Embrace

       

         

There are some moments that only those who travel away from 'home' will understand. Such moments are those when you wish a goodbye and linger in an embrace, never knowing when you will once again see someone you are departing from. The emotions are almost indescribable, and nearly unbearable. It as if you are tearing your very own soul as you leave. I've heard it said "love don't cost a thing" but surely that must be one of the biggest falsehoods in recent history. Love costs everything~ your life, breath, hopes and dreams. I have gone from being in contact with no family to being overwhelmed with family members that I desire to keep in contact with in some way. Most of all in these recent restorations is the return of my brother, my real brother, into my life. I was amazingly blessed to not only speak with him on the phone, not only have a lunch face to face with him, but to spend an entire weekend with him as both of us attended a surprise birthday party/family reunion for our Grandmother on our dad's side. Neither of us had been back to that side of the family in over a decade. 

Not knowing where to begin, we both dove in, tears first, into being reunited as brother and sister, something I've prayed for many times over, and all throughout my time overseas. We both have walked places we never thought we would, made mistakes we said would never be made, and both suffered harsh losses that resulted in poor decisions and depression. In the end though, somehow, we both have come out as stronger people and are learning how to readjust and reach out. We have been apart for so long, yet still, the blood thread that binds us as siblings has proven strong. We are fiercely loving, protective, understanding, and most of all, sorrowful of the time lost. 

If nothing else, the time I have spent away has taught me to treasure the time I am present. I believe my brother has learned this same thing throughout his own journey in life. Take nothing for granted. Love deeply. Invest in relationships with people that matter to you. Make people, not items, priorities. Fight for those you love, including time to spend with them. Life and time are far too precious and too soon stolen for us to hold petty grudges or give up on people we say are friends or family. I regret the years lost through family fighting and I regret the unwritten letters and undialed phone calls. Though I was only a child during those lost years, I refuse to make excuses now as to why I am not involved with family. I will love and reach out and try as best I can. 

This was the first step. The first of many.

Peace & Blessings

Ashley

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~

Unknown Sacrifices

Too often we are judged by those whom do not know the paths we have walked. Too often those same people assume they have wearied through worse trials than those of us who look less weather -worn. It is as if a status of marriage or of children or of age alone is enough to make one more worthy of knowledge of how to navigate though life's commands. Surely, if these poor unfortunate ones have not been granted access to blessings, why should those who appear less traveled and trialled be granted those other same such blessings?

As I was being told of my upcoming schedule at my new worksite by a fellow coworker, I expressed that I had a previous engagement that I had promised to attend. It was of utmost importance, and I stated how I must make remedy the scheduling conflict. Barely concealing the disdain in her voice, my new coworker attempted to explain to me that since I now had a job, sometimes you must break promises because it is expected. She continued that she was a mother of a young child, and though she wished to be there for her at all times, her job often had to take precedence. She concluded that I must learn this invaluable pain, despite my protests. It was obvious that she valued anything I could have going on in life as less important than her own, since she had a child and a family to care for. Never did it cross her mind that I am far more well aware of 'sacrificing' for a 'job' than she may ever be.

I lived overseas for a year, causing me to consistently miss graduations, weddings, birth announcements, events, holidays, birthdays, celebrations, and other memory making occasions that we all enjoy from time to time, yet each take for granted. I know what it is to send late or early birthday wishes because I will be in a sensitive location for two months, with no contact with the western world. I know what it is to stay up past 2am, waiting to place a call during a friend's lunch break so I could retain some sort of connectin with the life I had left behind. Even more, I know what it is to turn down the most precious of invitations, due to the fact I had to be out of the country to serve those I had been called to serve. 

The time I am spending in the States is not for me to settle down into a job and live to work. No. Indeed, my job is my last priority. People are my first. I want to go back to Hong Kong with memories of those I love, and relationships built solidly. I did not take the time to do this before I left the last time, and I assure you, I shall not make the same mistake again. I made a promise to a young lady that I would be at her graduation. I had taught her in Sunday School since she was 14 years old, and have had the honor of watching her blossom into a lovely leader. To me, seeing her on occasion at church isn't enough to show the commitment that I believe in her and love her. I need to show people that they are my priority~ because truly, in my heart, they are. 

I am doing my very best to be with my people and do all I can to be of assistance while in the States. Whether that means scrubbing paint off floors (looking at you, Fully), attending a graduation (congratulations, Alyssa), going to weekly fellowships at my home church (hello to the young adults group), or driving to Metter and Statesboro to invest in a new family (shout out at the Keas and Haddens), I am pouring myself into relationships that I hope will last a lifetime. I have done this with some who have proved not fruitful, but that decision was theirs to make, not mine. I am only responsible for choosing to love, regardless of the reception. A love that is deep and intentional, strong and kind. I have not perfected this art of loving, but I am all in, 100%.

So the next time you try to belittle someone else's walk on this earth, take a second to find out where they've been. It just might surprise you.

Peace & Blessings

Ashley

Jehovah Jirah etc.

                                  

           

So my last week in Hong Kong has been anything but boring. I stayed with friends, close to the base, and attended worship, while organizing meetings with people I won't see for a while, since I'm returning to the States. It has been a lovely time of speaking with them and truly being blessed by my people on this side of the world, and these memories will be treasured while I'm traveling and visiting in the States.

On Thursday night I attended my last prayer time in Wan Chai for awhile, and it was an awesome time spent with the Lord as we prayed and believed for change in these men and women's lives. Sunday evening, a couple friends and I stopped in another RLD area and spoke with old friends we had witnessed to a few months ago. I spoke to my special case, Chuckie, on the phone and wished him a merry Christmas (He is doing well and is living in a better area of the city now!) I was also given my first Christmas gift from a new person we met, and if my father had been present, apparently a few of the men would have asked him for my hand in marriage. Some things never change. But it was a great time of ministry, in the midst of a dark place. I will greatly miss these people and will continue to pray for them as I head back to 'home'. 

On Saturday, I subbed at a school and shared with forty young students the Christmas Story! It was so much fun, and such a blessing to be among the first to share this with them. Half of them spoke Mandarin, so I was also able to practice with them my own language skills. It was a lovely day and provided the funds I needed for the rest of my time here.

In life we try to so desperately capture a moment....but my most precious moments have been those I have not caught on camera. The look in a man's eyes when he speaks about who God is to him, the smile from a friend after teasing me, the laughs of watching a movie with a room full of girls. The little things that make life so rich, God has willingly provided. 

Since being back in Hong Kong, I have discovered more of the Jehovah Jirah part of His character. I have never been without, or lacked anything. He provided right on time and I do not even know how to begin to give Him thanks for that. I think one of the single most important things to learn about His character is His love for each of His. In the Bible, it speaks of how a good father will not give his son a stone when he asks for bread, so how much more will God give good gifts?! He is the best father, we do not even have the ability to grasp what that means. He does not leave us destitute. He does not abandon us. He never leaves us! 

I challenge each of us to begin to trust Him in ways we are not comfortable with. Have faiths to move mountains. Ask for understanding of who He is.

And above all- give thanks for what He has given us. 

Have faith. ;-)

A BrokenHeart's Thoughts

                                    

   

I do not want to lose this passion.

I desire God's broken heart.

I pray for a way to be made.

This is where the journey gets tough. When you finally kneel down at the starting blocks, steady yourself, take a deep breath and realize this is reality. This is happening. The gun will go off at any second and you have to run. You cannot stop once you are started. There is no pause button. Once you dedicate yourself to a life....it begins to get hard. It gets painful in a deeper way than you can imagine.

Praying for the broken heart of God has been one of the most powerful and life-changing prayers I have ever prayed. And it is a prayer I desperately hope every Christian prays.

Simple sympathy is not enough to change the world. It is barely enough to cause you to pick up a phone or write a check for a good charity, much less drive you to act upon injustice.

Tuesday during worship, I broke down and wept for a girl I have spoken to for several weeks now at one of the Red Light District locations we do ministry at. She is a young Pilipino girl, only a few months younger than me, with a beautiful son back home and heart still calling out to God for her baby. She told me Monday night that prays every day for him and we rejoiced together that she is returning home this week. I asked her if she would stay there, or if she would return. With her big brown eyes turned up to me, she says, "I want to stay home. I miss my son. Maybe I can stay home this time." Minutes later, she was being escorted out of the bar with a distinguished-looking western man. My ministry partner and I grabbed her and asked her if we could pray for her before she left. "Right here?!" She laughed and agreed. We prayed a blessing and protection over her and that she would not have to come back to Hong Kong after she goes home. She smiled, have us hangs and handshakes, and with a final adjustment to her dress, she walked out of the bar with a John. I watched in pain and agony. Even though I do not know her that well, I felt as if my own sister was being taken away. There was nothing I could do to stop this terrible injustice. I had not even realized the effect it had on me, until I was in worship. I cried, and I told God, "I don't want to cry! What's wrong with me?" Gently, He spoke to me, "Ashley. It's okay to have a broken heart over this. Its okay to weep for her. I understand the emotions that are running through you right now: anger, rage, fear, sadness, mourning and grief. I understand because I have the same thoughts, the same emotions. Let yourself cry. It is okay to be broken." I prayed and cried and prayed and cried some more. By time I left the floor where I had been kneeling, my chair was covered in tears, and my face ran with mascara. But my heart, though a little tender, felt more at peace. This is my life. This is what I do. 

Last night, in another Red Light District area, I was speaking with a man I had met a few months ago. I turned to my right and glanced up the streets, only to see a man I had just been introduced to not two hours ago was trying to pick up one of the girls, caressing and putting his arm around her. He was one of Chuckie's friends, an oldish man who could have been their father. 

The sobering reality right now~ this is life for the girls. 

Love146 is an organization that focuses on rescuing trafficked children. This quote below is what one of the staff said after an investigation into one of the brothels the little girls were being kept.

"All these emotions begin to wreck you. Break you. It is agony. It is aching. It is grief. It is sorrow. The reaction is intuitive, instinctive. It is visceral. It releases a wailing cry inside of you. It elicits gut-level indignation. It is unbearable. I remember wanting...to take them all away..tell her to keep fighting. To not give up. To tell her that we were coming for her." ~Love146

This is God's reaction to the hurting.

What will ours be?

Isaiah 61:1/7-8

 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion;

instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot;

therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion;

they shall have everlasting joy.

 For I the Lord love justice;

I hate robbery and wrong;

 I will faithfully give them their recompense,

 and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~

FatherHeart

So, just a quick update on this past week!

We have had an amazing time with the Father Heart of God week. What kept occurring to me over and over again was this one truth that I just cannot truly grasp:

There is nothing I can ever do, or not do, to increase or decrease the love that God has for me. He loves me the same yesterday, today and tomorrow- regardless of circumstances, supposed failures and mistakes. He is a perfect parent, an example to all parents, to love their children unconditionally and without reserve. This was an amazing impact to me, for many reasons. We experienced the love of God this week and it was a true blessing. <3

Mandarin class was been going much better the past few weeks for me! It is amazing what a little practice can do! We have covered basic conversation, buying/selling and ordering at a restaurant. Jesus loves you was one of our first phrases, of course. Some words are harder than others, others extremely easy. The tones are still very difficult, but we are getting the basics!

Ministry this past wednesday was awesome~ did you expect me to say anything less?! The girls are becoming more open and excited to see us. Some are struggling on the inside, so please lift them up in your prayers. This is not an easy situation for any of them and they are all God's daughters. I have stories from this outreach on the previous blog, so I won't overload this post with the same stories. However, there will be a drama testimony outreach by the staff this week there, so again, cover us all in prayer and pray for open hearts for God's love and healing salvation!

Church was amazing! My word, not even enough time to explain it. I ran into one of my friends form my first Christmas Outreach, who knows the pastor of my home church here in Hong Kong and had been invited to this Sunday service. It was so good to see her! The service was a blessing as well, speaking about God's love, a great ending to the Father Heart of God week we were learning in the Discipleship Training School.

This coming weeks topic is personal character, so this should be ahold week to learn about ourselves and others.

Prayer Requests!
-My Health: I have had a fever for two days at the end of this week and weakness. Yes, I've taken medication and rested. The pollution in the air is very bad right now and it effects me more than I care to admit sometimes. The sickness is retreating, praise God, but I would appreciate all the prayers you can send my way!
-Less than a month till Outreach!!!!!!!! Keep it drenched in prayer!
-Red Light District ministry this week

DestinyDesign

This past week has possibly been my favorite of the Discipleship Training School. Our topic was "Destiny by Design" taught by Gwen, a lady of much joy, energy and passion. Passion for us to find what God's plan for our lives is and what our own dreams are and how they mix with His. I am excited to share with you next week all that God has revealed to me about my part in His plan to show love to the world. It has been a most epic week and I feel so blessed to be part of this and to invite others to join me! God may call people to do what seems impossible, but instead of saying "that's impossible", please remember you are talking about a God of the impossible~ instead, respond, "why not?" and ask God how you are to join in!

Also this past week we did intercessors ring our Mainland history class. We asked God to show us differ strongholds over them and we prayed over those, such as rebellion, shame, lust of power and other problems that have plagued this beautiful land and people for centuries. It was a powerful was of ministering and preparing before we are even in the land. Please join us in these prayers for this country!

On Friday, we did our second Discipleship Training School outreach in the next city over, Yuen Long, using the same drama and island dance we had before and presenting the gospel through testimonies. I had the opportunity to speak with a little five year old Pakistani boy and his mother who runs a clothing shop nearby. She was very open, despite being a Muslim, and I I agreed to come and try to find her shop within the next few weeks and dance with her little boy (he asked if I would.) Hopefully her heart will soon open to want to know the truth of her Saviour who loves her.

This next week will make a huge impact on all of us, as it is called, "The Father a heart of God". Please, again, be in prayer for us to be open to accepting the Father's love, and healing in our own hearts towards our own parents and past experiences related to that. So often in our lives, if we have hard experiences growing up, it can indeed affect our view and relationship with God. So this week is important in the way God will reach down to reveal and heal before we go out outreach and share with people about who He is.

Prayer requests:
Finances
Health (I have been struggling with the sniffles for about a week, ready for them to leave!)
Open heart towards God
Wisdom & Knowledge
Direction and Guiding

Much love till next week!

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~

Character_of_God

So here is the weekly update I promised everyone! It has been an intense week, with amazing teachings from Bill Payne on the character of God, our local outreaches and fun times at volleyball and my first mandarin class. Here it is!

The Character of God
God is love. At the center of what I believe, this is the core. God is love. Not just any love, not a halfhearted love. He is LOVE. The patient, kind, protective love of a true father. The joy, desires and emotions of a true father. This is His love. The entire week has built on what God has already been showing and speaking to me during my quiet times and worship, so it was very powerful for Him to continue on that and make the understanding go deeper. You remember the line of the song, "all we need is love"? I agree with that. We need love. God is love. Therefore we need God. It is not a dependency or independence factor, it is a truth. He is the one who created you, formed you and knows every atom, molecule and cell that makes up your DNA and body. When you hurt, He hurts. When you have joy, He has joy. Why? Because He is a father and that is who He is. We were created for a deeper relationship with Him, as His children. It is an amazing love story of how He walks us through life and good times had times. His love leads, when we let it. We had times in our class that challenged us, challenged how we thought. It was an epic week in that aspect.

Chung King Mansions-Red Light District
My local outreach is located in an ethnically diverse area in Hong Kong Island, with people from India, Nepal, Pakistan and Africa. Just a few blocks and you enter the red light district. It is not what you expect. It is quiet street that has an entrance to the MTR (subway) and a Seven Eleven. If you were not used to the environment, you would not even realize prostitution is taking place. Unless you take a closer look. Stick around long enough and you notice the girls hanging around, the men walking by, and then them leaving. It is heartbreaking. Most have been trafficked in this area, or been made promises based on lies and have no way of returning back home to India, Malaysia or Uganda. About 7 of us women from the base went on that outreach, splitting into two groups- one for prayer walks and the other to talk to the girls. Half way through, we switched so both groups could have a chance to pray or speak sight the girls. We had a chance to speak with four that night, and it was a blessing. They are very sweet and very open to talking with us. One of the women, who appears to be the one who keeps tracks of the other girls and protects them, was very concerned about us "good, Christian" girls being in such an area. "These are bad people. You are too good for them!" It was a great opportunity to share with her the love of Christ and how He loves each of them. She had a cough and allowed us to pray for her, pressing our staff, Arianna, hand against her throat for prayer. It is not so much a dangerous area as it is a dark area. A place where people have lost hope and feel trapped. They need to hear the truth, to hear about hope. So we go there to pray, encourage and hear them. Sometimes they are open to hearing us. Sometimes not. So we pray.

Mandarin Class
Ni hao! That is hello in Mandarin and I must say, Mandarin is difficult. God has greatly blessed us because we have two Cantonese speakers who also speak Mandarin and another girl who speaks Mandarin on our DTS. We worked on tones (there are six tones in Mandarin we must learn) and then basic greetings for a VERY short conversation! Some words and phrases are easier than others, but without memorizing the tones, it is very hard on how to know how to pronounce the other words you don't know. What makes the tones difficult is that when written in Pinyin, Chinese words written in english letters, the letters for the tones are almost completely opposite of the sound we would make in English for it, for example, the 'e' makes more of an 'uh' sound and the 'i' makes an 'ee' sound. Us poor Americans.....

VolleyBall
At least once a week, we play sports. As often as possible, we play sports. Why? Because we love it! Simple, right? Haha, it gives us time to relax, have fun and work as a team off the base at night before bed. Well, this week I had the opportunity to play volleyball. I was very excited because I had not played it in a long time. Once on the court though, I was quickly reminded why I had not played in so long. I am very bad at volleyball. Seriously. I could barely hit the ball and when I did, I did not hit it correctly or over the net. Most often, the ball went down instead of up. I was not the MVP that night. Most of you who know me know that I despise not being good at something. I always put everything I am into everything I do, and if I am. Not good at something, it truly hurts, not just my pride, but an inner struggle. I knew, however, if I walked out of that game, I would never get better. It would have no lasting benefit if I walked away and I would regret it. So I kept pushing. Ducking. Praying the ball would not come to me. I know, still not a good solution. One of my friends on the other team tried to hit the ball to me, but it was very high and I did not think I could get it. "Too high!" I said. He served again and hit it lower. Great. Then one of other friends and also one of my DTS staff started coaching and instructing me on how to play, hit and direct the ball. It was possibly one of the longest nights I have had from playing sports. Once I could finally focus on having fun and not on all my mistakes, I started feeling ok. I did not like the game, but I was happy that I had remained and stays don the court. I was BEYOND grateful for guys who coached me and gave encouragement. Then. The test came two nights later when they were going to play again- would I come? Eh....I was not excited. Obviously. I agreed though, because I knew I have to keep trying in order to get better. I know myself. I have to keep trying. So I went. And had the greatest time. With more coaching and better accuracy, I actually played okay. I made points, passed and hit it over the net. It was group effort and great team work. We all made mistakes. We all laughed. We had fun. And guess what? I like volleyball now. I enjoy playing with my friends. I am far from great and I would not even say I am good. But I can hit the ball. Over the net (and occasionally over the fence into the pond....fun times...). I give all credit to God and my friends, who's patience and encouragement helped me to get from epic fail on Tuesday night to pretty good on Thursday. So you think you cannot do something? Keep trying. If I can do it, you can. Believe me. (Next lesson in volleyball, learn how to serve correctly and pass the ball with open hands above head.)

Well, that is all folks! Oh, wait! I also had a great time yesterday at a birthday BBQ for my friend and former 2012 Christmas Outreach leader, Rebekah. The pics posted are from that. The white substance on our faces is baby powder, a tradition from the Islands we learned over New Years. So. I gave her that gift (she got a real gift too, I am not that terrible, haha). It is also Chinese New Year, and I will tell you more about that next week, hopefully with pictures to share!

Prayer Requests:
Continued Good Health
Unity
Finances
Good Weather


Much love and blessings!

~Ashley

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~

God MyFather

Most of you who keep up with my blog know that I come from a very broken home and family history. I do not know of a time within the last several generations when my family was not touched by being broken. Through this, I know my family does not truly know how to love and by consequence, neither do I. I do not know what pure love is because it has never been correctly demonstrated in my life. One of my worries as I have become an adult has been that I will not know how to love others, both in friendships and in a husband & wife relationship. It is something I have prayed and struggled with God over. This past week, He has really spoken to me about Him being my Father and His love for me. I would like to share with you about my heart. Literally.
<3

While singing a song about our destiny in Christ, I could picture myself standing in front of my destiny, protecting it from the Enemy. He told me that I did not have the strength or power to protect those things I love most: such as my family, friends, my church, students and my destiny. God said that it is through Him I have strength to defeat the Enemy who wishes to destroy those things. Later, during prayer in class, God showed me a picture of what my heart looked like. One part was black from sin, another was cloud-like and beautiful which represented my dreams and desires, then there were bullet holes in the other part of my heart, representing past hurts and unhealed wounds. Stamped across the heart was the word PAIN. I wept as God asked me what I wanted to do about it. I told Him I wanted healing, but I then asked Him if it would hurt. He said yes, it would hurt, but He would be walking with me through it all. I asked for prayer from one of the YWAM staff and seen in my mind that God was holding my heart in His hands. The next day, during worship, He showed me another picture of my heart in His hands. He took one of His hands and moved it over my heart as if peeling back the injured layer, revealing a clean, fresh heart underneath. Then yesterday, during my Quiet Time, I was reading in Psalms 85 and the verse about His 'steadfast love'. I was surprised that He had led me to Psalms, but when I read that verse, I knew I had to look further into what 'steadfast love' meant. After doing a search in my iPad Bible concordance, I seen quickly why He wanted to show me this. There were nearly 200 references to the Father's steadfast love and as I read through some of them, I began to learn about true love~

Steadfast Love:
Psalm 85:7- God's steadfast love
Jonah 2:8- the worship of false things (focus off of God) destroys the hope of steadfast love
Joel 2:13- The steadfast love of God is faithful
Lamentations 3:22- It is never ending
Isaiah 54:10- It is always there, we are never alone
Proverbs 20:28- God rules by steadfast love, so we do not have to fear condemnation, but rather accept His grace and Salvation
Psalm 147:11- God takes pleasure in those who hope in His steadfast love
Psalm 147:8/144:2- It is the character of God
Psalm 143:12- It protects us
Psalm 138:8- Helps us to fulfill our purpose in Him
Psalm 136:23- His steadfast love remembers us

Wow. I did not understand why He was howling me this until I was in class again later and we were all praying for one another. As I shared with them about what God had shown me, I asked in my heart why God has been showing me all these things about love and His being my Father. I knew about love, had studied it before and taught lessons on it. Why the emphasis? The He reminded me of how in my testimony I had said I came from a family that did not know how to show true love because they had never really experienced it for themselves either. God said that He was revealing to me what true love is and His heart for me. He would teach me and renew my own heart to be healed again from the past. He loves me more than life and He will never leave me, I am never alone and He hears me. This has been spoken to me several times. Once, a few months before I flew out here to Hong Kong, by a lady at Coastal Georgia Tres Dias (an awesome Christian retreat with an intense encounter with God). She had told me God wanted me to know that I am not alone. Then, this past week, one of our Mission Builder guys who had been here for Christmas Outreach as well said he God had show him a picture of me praying and crying. He the said that God wanted me to know that I am not alone and He hears my cry.

God is an amazing redeemer of broken things. He is an awesome teacher and beautiful Savior of the lost. He speaks, all the time, if we would just listen to Him. His heart is that of a true Father, with a steadfast love. Thank you for letting me share with you just some of what God has been speaking to me this first week of the Discipleship Training School.

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~