Unknown Sacrifices

Too often we are judged by those whom do not know the paths we have walked. Too often those same people assume they have wearied through worse trials than those of us who look less weather -worn. It is as if a status of marriage or of children or of age alone is enough to make one more worthy of knowledge of how to navigate though life's commands. Surely, if these poor unfortunate ones have not been granted access to blessings, why should those who appear less traveled and trialled be granted those other same such blessings?

As I was being told of my upcoming schedule at my new worksite by a fellow coworker, I expressed that I had a previous engagement that I had promised to attend. It was of utmost importance, and I stated how I must make remedy the scheduling conflict. Barely concealing the disdain in her voice, my new coworker attempted to explain to me that since I now had a job, sometimes you must break promises because it is expected. She continued that she was a mother of a young child, and though she wished to be there for her at all times, her job often had to take precedence. She concluded that I must learn this invaluable pain, despite my protests. It was obvious that she valued anything I could have going on in life as less important than her own, since she had a child and a family to care for. Never did it cross her mind that I am far more well aware of 'sacrificing' for a 'job' than she may ever be.

I lived overseas for a year, causing me to consistently miss graduations, weddings, birth announcements, events, holidays, birthdays, celebrations, and other memory making occasions that we all enjoy from time to time, yet each take for granted. I know what it is to send late or early birthday wishes because I will be in a sensitive location for two months, with no contact with the western world. I know what it is to stay up past 2am, waiting to place a call during a friend's lunch break so I could retain some sort of connectin with the life I had left behind. Even more, I know what it is to turn down the most precious of invitations, due to the fact I had to be out of the country to serve those I had been called to serve. 

The time I am spending in the States is not for me to settle down into a job and live to work. No. Indeed, my job is my last priority. People are my first. I want to go back to Hong Kong with memories of those I love, and relationships built solidly. I did not take the time to do this before I left the last time, and I assure you, I shall not make the same mistake again. I made a promise to a young lady that I would be at her graduation. I had taught her in Sunday School since she was 14 years old, and have had the honor of watching her blossom into a lovely leader. To me, seeing her on occasion at church isn't enough to show the commitment that I believe in her and love her. I need to show people that they are my priority~ because truly, in my heart, they are. 

I am doing my very best to be with my people and do all I can to be of assistance while in the States. Whether that means scrubbing paint off floors (looking at you, Fully), attending a graduation (congratulations, Alyssa), going to weekly fellowships at my home church (hello to the young adults group), or driving to Metter and Statesboro to invest in a new family (shout out at the Keas and Haddens), I am pouring myself into relationships that I hope will last a lifetime. I have done this with some who have proved not fruitful, but that decision was theirs to make, not mine. I am only responsible for choosing to love, regardless of the reception. A love that is deep and intentional, strong and kind. I have not perfected this art of loving, but I am all in, 100%.

So the next time you try to belittle someone else's walk on this earth, take a second to find out where they've been. It just might surprise you.

Peace & Blessings

Ashley

Vulnerable

Oh the struggle to be vulnerable. We all have it, though some more than others. It is a hard thing to allow someone into your innermost mind. To see the monsters, the fears, the mistakes. It is even difficult for some to share their dreams, hopes, and ideas. We fight with the fear, and too often give into it. At some point in most our lives, our trust has been broken, and we learn to not be vulnerable. What's more, wea re taught by those around us to not be vulnerable and to suspect everyone. We have raised a generation of critics, doubters, and negativity. Is it no wonder that missions is ignored, and the homeless go unnoticed?

I have recently been at battle with the struggle to trust. You see, I have many examples of people I have trusted and been brutally disappointed by them in whom I placed that trust. Worse, I allowed myself to not be vulnerable to none but a few people. You see, to love, you must become vulnerable. Yet there is also the threat of that vulnerability being rejected, used, or ignored. When our few moments of vulnerability and trust is misused, many of our immediate responses is to completely shut down and vow to never allow our hearts to touch another soul again.

This is not what we a asked to do, by Christ. He calls us to a deeper relationship, not only with Him, but with others. Though the threat is huge, the reward is greater. The unity and strength that occurs after we allow others to see our wounds and victories is amazing. There is a simple, blessed beauty that radiates from such occurrences.

Though this is a shorter blog post, it is something that has been omy mind recently....to continue to trust others, despite being disappointed so many times...to be vulnerable, even if it hurts and others ignore it....this is the hard part of the calling, more than anything else, for me. To love others beyond measure, regardless of their reaction.

I will always strive to love, no matter the response. I will be who I am, and faithfully follow after the Father. I am not faultless, nor am I humble. I am honest, guarded, fearful, yet strong. Despite the inner struggle to allow anger and hurt to control my actions, I chose rather to be ruled by love, to continue to  trust and to be vulnerable. 

It is a difficult choice to make.

But it is one I am proud to have made.

Peace & Blessings

Ashley

~*~Leave a Legacy that will Make a Difference in the World Around You.~*~